I'm so tired. Isn't it so rad when people start off with bitching?! Hey! Haven't heard from me for months - here is some bitching for you to remind you why you're glad I stopped writing in the first place!
Ok - here's what's good!
- I have completed 1100 hours at school. That means that I have to complete 500 hours and I will be DONE.
- I started 'interning' at a salon in my neighborhood one day per week and will do so until either I am graduated or I have 20 booked days of interning, whichever comes first.
- When I hit 1200 hours, I get to switch to full-time. Once that happens, I will literally be in school Monday through Friday 8:30-10PM, Saturday 8:30-5pm. It's going to be hell. But it's going to cut down my time left in school by a LOT.
- I'm starting to do Freelance work again. I have a wedding in a week. It's beyond awesome.
I'm having some SERIOUS Wish I Had a Dad Blues this week. I'm absolutely certain that it's because the anniversary of Fred passing is in a week, followed by my dad's anniversary in a month. It's fine, it will pass, but meanwhile, I've definitely got a case of the Mean Reds. I just watched Annie and found myself being jealous of a fake orphan. Not cool.
While I've been slogging my way through school, I've been doing some spiritual searching, at a pretty intense level for me. My work with my regular therapist has reached a level where I just felt like I needed to take the "next step" - whatever that means. I hooked up with a Shamanic Practitioner and have been going through a series of pretty mind blowing things. I'm not ready to delve into details, but you can check out her website and get a good idea of what I've been up to.
The night after my soul-retrieval, I got really sick. Like really, really sick. I can't even remember when I threw up so much or for so long. It took me almost a full week to get over being sick that night. I'm telling you right now that I am really going through a lot - emotionally and physically. I've also lost some weight - not intentionally. I can feel a real difference in my clothing and also in my face. It's weird.
These are just cliffs notes. I don't even know how to go into detail about my life right now. It seems like nothing at all is happening, and yet I know that isn't true. It's just too much to think about in terms of vocabulary and updates on here. I don't feel like I know enough about "Shamanic semantics" yet to talk about it all in a way that is intelligent and doesn't make me sound like I've sold out to cultish gypsies. It will just have to suffice that I'm saying that what I'm going through is really profound for me.
I'm also feeling very tired of being unemployed. I've been working since I was 12 years old. This long term waiting room of no regular work, no paychecks...it's been very hard on an ego level to just let things be, be thankful that I can do what I'm doing, be in the moments as they are happening rather than spending so much time desperately searching for a shred of evidence that at the end of my life, it is all going to mean something.
Anything.
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